CONJUGAL LOVE VIS-À-VIS SALUS ANIMARUM  BY REV FR PAUL IKECHUKWU OGUJIOFFOR

Basically and primarily the reason for conjugal love is salus animarum, anything outside of this from either of the couple is unchristian and ought to be treated with a special care for the salvation of both, or either one whereby the other refuses to accept his or her mistakes in relation to their Christian faith with love, sacrifice, spirit of forgiveness and dedication. Any action from either of the couple that lacks true love regarding their mutual consent on their conjugality is always sinful, hence there ought to be sincere love in making-love by both partners, because whatever God has joined nobody should put asunder (Mk.10:9). Indeed this is a real and sincere concrete act of love, hence an appreciation of marriage dignity. Both ought to be aware   that the slogan: “Variety is the spice of life” has no foundation in real and concrete conjugal love in marriage life. This is because it is a Sacrament of Love, the Mystery and Covenant of infinite togetherness; not a contract of love. Marriage is all about sacrificial love and covenant, Manifested in the consent when each couple says, “In good health and in sickness, in riches and in poverty, I will love you till death do us part”.  The teachings of the Church from the Canon Law, Dogmatic Theology, Moral Theology, Bioethics, Ecclesiology, Liturgy, etc ought to and as well gear towards the Sacred Scriptures and Spirituality because the final goal of our Christian faith is salus animarum. No matter how concrete, special or contextual a case may be on the issue regarding conjugal love because of abuses done by either of the partners, the means that may be used to resolve the issue as to reach the teleological reality becomes just and right. In view of this let us reflect on some questions or issues that arise regarding conjugal love:

1.      How can we reconcile onanism within the legitimate Christian marriage?

2.      Since onanism is a sin, can’t the man resort into putting and pulling off when about to release or better still use condom even when both of them are healthy, because they do not need children again or are in family planning?

3.      In a case whereby the man or woman is a stallion, what will the wife or husband do as not to cause problem in the family, or even when she is in her ovulation and the man still wants her to submit or be obedient to him regarding love-making?

4.      If the woman takes in with or without the knowledge of the husband and then aborts  it what will the man do, or any justification by the woman because she needs his husband to satisfy her as they are one body, so if pregnancy comes she can terminate it no problem?

5.      For a wife who decides not to tell anybody for reason only best known to her no matter what or for no just course she zips up her laps for so long a time for her husband, when she eventually and personally releases the key to the gate even with their initial consent of family planning the man remain headstrong even when on her ovulation period makes a revenge of no love in love-making, which of course suppose not to be. Any justification by the man?

6.      Many a time some of the couples individually decides to remain conduit about his or her past love life, of course which is another level of deceit or simulation before their wedding, (which ipso facto there was no marriage ab initio, unless the either partner decides to forgive him or her and let go), when the either partner later knows problem arises.

7.      What are we to say in a situation whereby a man who have been flourishing economically and otherwise all of a sudden becomes incapacitated financially and the wife then becomes the breadwinner. The man in question is not lazy nor does he stay idle at home but goes out in search of job but to no avail yet, then the wife takes the advantage of insulting him every day even before those (her brother and her female cousin) living with them in their family with their little children. A time came that this woman took their child and travelled outside the country to her friends for over a month leaving the husband without a word yet he endured that, even when his mother came into the case to and told him to pack his things and leave the house for her, yet he said no mama but I love my wife. The woman’s conduct led to her brother and cousin to leave their house and rent different apartments whereas they have a place to stay. Her brother and cousin many a time have accosted her that she may change and behave well yet to no avail. The man is indeed a slave in his own house and the woman tells him when to have sex with her because he is nobody according to her, forgetting the husband’s condition when they married in the church. It is good to note here that the woman married his money, hence there was a deceit from the onset, ipso facto no marriage. The man still loves her despite her character, knowing full well her background and yet accommodated her when things were well with him.  This story may also be applied directly to the wife as a victim.

Considering that the word MARRIAGE uniquely reminds both partner that there  are one body, it means thus:

M - MARRIAGE is a covenant keep to it.

A - ADMIT the things you cannot change in life.

R - RESPECT is a must to be shown to each other.

R - REASONING together for the smooth going of the family is an obligation.

I - IMITATE the Holy Family (JESUS, MARY and JOSEPH) in the Bible and INSIST on good moral behaviours of your children when they come, starting with good examples from both partners.

A - ACCEPT each person’s imperfection and ADD his or her virtues to yours.

G - GIVE no third party a chance in your marriage, so that what God has joined nobody should put asunder.

E - ENCOURAGING each other ought to be a daily duty.

Therefore in conjugal love, making love without the spirit of sincere love to your partner is very sinful and ought to be avoided, for we always misinterpret the Scriptures to suit our debased spirituality and morality, stupidity and egoistic manners. Egoistic behaviour or self-centeredness is a sin against Love cfr. 1Cor.13:5. Sincere love-making between couples need no cohesion or friction but rather ought to be natural, unless in the case of transmittable diseases which may be avoided by cohesion or addition of unnatural means. Love-making is and ought to be a sacrifice, hence the result or fruit when it comes whether needed or not by the couple need not to be tampered be it in secret from the woman or according to the couple’s consent, for God is the owner of life, hence it is always a deadly sin when done, and receives retributive justice here or hereafter. If one really and sincerely loves his or her partner, should respect either one’s life as well in love-making, hence there ought to be love in making love always. Lack of family prayers or Bible readings and meditation by the couple makes them ignorant and unfaithful to the Word of God which may lead them into an mere Christians, occasional or Sunday Christians only and after that lives with their faithlessness. Both partners ought to have common aspiration in life even when they are not doing the same work or having the same life style. Patience and abstinence ought to be practiced well and not peripherally regarding their love-making as couple, so as not to take either partner as sex-machine or sex-toy. Either of the partners should always remind the other that physical death may occur especially from the husband to the wife or the wife to the husband, when there is danger in child birth because of  her health. If the woman is okay, that will not be a reason either for total lack of love in love-making from herself or the husband. In a case whereby either is a stallion even with the use of condom in ovulation period of the woman which is not proper and right, the wife should try always never to lose hope or get tired of telling him the risk of her death if he continues to be intransigent, whereby the fault is from the man. This will always be done during their love-making when she is free and at that particular moment when the husband is right inside her. If there is a serious need for either of the partner to record the voice through any available means he or she can do that, in case  either of them will try to deny when serious case arose by tomorrow. The goal of marriage and what comes out as fruit of conjugal love is always for an eternal life as Christians. If they remain adamant without Christian spirit, either of them should be treated like a beast which they claim to be by their constant action through separation as a final remedy for the life, health and salvation of both or either partner. This is to be done when all possible means through prayers, dialogue, sacrifices, etc applied proves abortive, for such person among them is psychologically, morally and spiritually sick and ought to be treated as such. If even the either partner goes about messing himself or herself up with girls/women or boys/men or try to remarry after the separation but for how long will he or she do that before the new partner/lover realizes that he or she is not normal. Still on onanism, a biblical philological exegete Padre Giovanni Boer said in onanism there was no faithfulness in the citation regarding the sexual intercourse. This sexual intercourse by Onan cannot be used to explain contraception as done nowadays by some people. John Paul II’s catechesis on sexuality have many responses to this because in the beginning God made them one man one wife. The great mystery of human sexuality is evident in the non satisfying character found in sex hence the fulfillment is only found in union with Christ and this is important to priests as well. A priest is consecrated in the Church and is not alone, hence my priesthood is to save all men and women alike, so that the happiness of human sexuality will be seen in eternity.

Written on Monday 23^rd September 2013 Memorial of St. Pius of Pietreclina (san Padre Pio di Pietreclina) while in MONASTERO BENEDETTINO S.MARIA DE' FRANCONI VEROLI-DIOCESI DI FROSINONE-VEROLI-FERENTINO.